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The Old Trans-forming into the New

I write this post as a prayer… an invocation… one deep breath after another… allowing the prayer to fill my cells, creating spaciousness and love within me.

I stand at the edge of my own personal universe.

The rhythms and contours of being a human – the unique constellation of being me, Ashley Cooper, coursing through my cells.

Solid… I feel my feet on the ground -
my commitment to be here and be my path.

Shaky… I feel eruptions of unknown, doubt and fear - a chained fence guising as my companion, a crutch I lean upon.

Vulnerable… I feel raw and revealed -
standing at the edge of faith and uncertainty.

Inspired… I feel called by a mission that brings me to tears and fills my soul with inspiration and motivation

It’s time to JUMP


This is the dance of transformation. I am not yet this new version that I feel emerging through me and I am no longer the old conditioned puppet of habits and historical contortions. I am both of these still.

Glimpses of bold action guided by empowered thoughts and reverent listening. Feeling a centered, radiant soul: breathing the fire of her battle cry, powered by divine life force, vital energy of love, friendship, joy and togetherness. Breathing deep in sacred unity and feeling moved by our collective wisdom. Out of the way. In service. Listening. Guided. Surrendering. Trusting, trusting, trusting.

And the little voice says: “I’m there. I did it. Hard work pays off. I’m here. I’m home.”

Just as quickly as she speaks, the earth shakes, territory unknown. Looking around, I find my butt thumped on the ground, bruised from the fall and feeling afraid, doubting. Trust slid out beneath me. Old thoughts of not good enough, confusion, fear, loneliness take over. I’m here. Again. I’m familiar with this place.

This is the dance of TRANSFORMATION

Being conscious of this process, I don’t experience it as a magical step into a new world. I’m not suddenly taking flight as a new butterfly. It’s a gradual growth. Feeling new life emerge as me while old habits weaken. Awakening to new ways of being.

52482Tomasz Alen Kopera tearsTears pouring forth as I grieve and mourn. There is sadness in my body. There is wounding that needs to heal. There is a little girl who wants to be seen, heard and loved. There is love that has been trapped. Healing is necessary and essential. Facing these realities are scary, humiliating, illuminating and ultimately freeing.

AC b&w

And… I’m opening, returning to the beauty of myself, embracing the light and the shadows, loving my own face, owning the radiance of love that I am. 

I am walking the edge between these worlds, feeling my cells reconfigure as new form sprouts within me, around me and as me. I am stepping beyond the walls of me and growing as the Soul I’m here to be.

 

Thank you for witnessing me on this journey. With love and gratitude…

Photo credits – Click on the images to go to their original source. Transformation and tears art is by Tomasz Alen Kopera photo of me is by Erica Mueller

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A Radiant Feeling Pounces

The Poem in my Pocket:

Walking in the Forest

Walking in the forest
a radiant feeling pounces
on my misty
heart, clearing
my bad thoughts.
Good memories leap,
alert, brought to my mind
by a cool breeze.
Then they sleep.
Relaxed.
Magic flows through me
like a child running on cool summer grass.

by Tevon Dubois in A Child on The Island: The Ageless Wisdom of a Ten-Year-Old


p.s. I will return to actually writing posts here some day. It feels like it will be soon, but we shall see!

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Embracing Love

“I knocked on the door
of the One who embraces Love.
He opened it, saw me there and began to laugh.
He pulled me in….
I melted like sugar cubes…
in the arms of the Lover,
that wizard of the world… “

~Rumi

photo source and poem found at Ineffable Bliss
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Growing Into My Wings

I love greeting cards.
I used to buy them constantly, finding unique and clever ones that would be just perfect for someone one day. My mom has a talent for finding cards that are, I swear, written just for me from her. There is something remarkable about finding the words, already out there, that say exactly what you’d like to express.

Sometimes finding words to express our internal terrain can be challenging.

Sometimes finding the courage to accept and surrender to the brilliance of our Being and the realness of our being can be daunting.

Recently I saw a greeting card that made me melt.
I fell in love with its sweet, simple, potent expression.
A glittering smile perked into my heart imagining giving it to someone.
A deep bow emerged through my soul imagining another giving it to me.

I’m in a period of transition right now… learning to see, feel, experience, be with and love myself in new ways.
I’m also learning how tough skinned I can be when it comes to really receiving, openly, when others share with me how they experience me. And I guess more to the point, I’m hard on myself and can easily look over my light, giving more attention to where I need to grow.

So right now I’m asking for some help. If your heart feels called to do so, would you please give me this virtual card and tell me a bit of how you see my wings. You can post a comment here, email me, send me a letter, whatever!

A promise I have to you and myself is that I will make every effort to receive your words fully, with an open and accepting heart.

Thank you and with so much love,
a vulnerable one

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