what do you need?

patti and i were talking today about some of the differences between working with children and adults. both of us believe whole heartedly in following a child’s attention, being guided by the child, slipping into the child’s rhythm, aiming to experience as much of the child’s world as possible. patti stated: “with children, i’m used to simply riding their waves.” as she said this i noticed that children’s waves usually fall along the most direct path that the child knows of that leads towards their perception of health. children are quite genuine, even if they are genuinely lying or misbehaving. there is innocence in the child’s decision to act in the only way that seems to provide that which the child needs. and moving towards that which one needs is a prominent aspect of healing.

i admire the clarity and authenticity of many children’s waves and am often baffled by the cloudiness of our twisted and contracted adult waves. i believe that each individual has an intrinsic desire to heal, to move towards wholeness and optimal health. however, i notice that many adults often get stuck treading in stagnant water, water defined by what they should or should not do (myself included). i watch as people make choices that perpetuate their pain and suffering. where i notice a striking difference between children and adults is that children are innocently acting in the only way they know. it appears that adults are often too scared to step into the unknown of being another way.

but don’t worry, i’ve far from given up on adults! i continue to live optimistically, trusting in each individuals ability and desire to step onto the path of optimal living, creating a life that is exactly the way one wishes it to be… what do you need to make your life fuller? what do you need to bring more joy and pleasure into your world? what do you need to intensify the feeling of gratitude for this gift we’ve each been granted called LIFE?

What do you need? is a question that i often ask children when they come to see me for a concern or problem. some recent responses…

a child was concerned that her sister doesn’t love her any more. after exploring her feelings on the topic i asked her,

what do you need right now?
touch
another child was quite depressed by the lack of friends and meaningful relationships in his life. he longed for connection.
what is it that you need?
happiness
a child was playing with puppets that have different feeling faces. there was a ‘sad boy’ puppet. the child narrated that the sad boy puppet was feeling very sad and he went over to a funny monster puppet to seek some help. the funny monster said,
if you’re feeling sad, all you have to do to feel better is believe in yourself.
do you believe in yourself? what do you need in order to believe in yourself more? what do you need to make your life just a little bit fuller, to feel just a little bit more alive?

Comments:

the ways in which she creates a field of support allowing unseen depths of another to safely rise to the surface. very interesting.
thomas | 09.24.04 – 10:53 am | #

Gravatarwhen you share stories and emotions from your direct experience you shine as a model of compassionate, open presence. it’s who you are!

yes, keep tossing us thoughts and links and quotes and pearls–you have a gift at focusing attention in valuable directions. but i want to see your writing voice deepen into the pure presence you share so freely with those fortunate enough to cross your path, the children you touch, the friends you support, the stranger you inspire, the texan you bewilder. . .
thomas | 09.24.04 – 11:23 am | #

Gravatarthe ways in which she creates a field of support allowing unseen depths of another to safely rise to the surface.

it’s so funny how unarticulate i am about the things that i ‘do’. i so cherish reading these words and feeling that surprise inside of me that says, WOW, YEAH, i guess that i do do that! thanks, thomas for encouraging me and helping these strings of light inside me shine ever-so brighter.
ashley | Homepage | 09.29.04 – 7:41 am | #

slumber pods

check out these slumber pods.

specially adapted chairs fitted with vibration devices designed to make (people) nod off and lights to wake them up at the end of the sleep.

“There is a tremendous amount of research that supports the notion that a 20-minute midday nap can rejuvenate people. It improves memory, learning and mood and can boost productivity by up to 30%,”

“At work I realised that people are quite tired at work and falling off their desks or even sneaking off to the toilets to catch rest. Then I realised that we are really missing a comfortable and a convenient place to take a nap during the day,” said Mr Chowdhry.

Many US companies have created “wellness rooms” for their employees, to allow them to take breaks from the hectic action of their offices or the stock market floor.

Mr Chowdhry said several were considering buying pods and installing them in these wellness rooms.

what would you like to see (or what already exits) in your “wellness room”? do you have a wellness room at your office? in your house? in the woods behind your house?

friends of mental health

calling all friends of mental health. please bring your hearts, minds, wisdom, questions, comments, concerns, and curiosities regarding the field of mental health over to the new Exploring Counseling blog. ryan oelke opens the show with this welcome

I would like to welcome everyone to Exploring Counseling, a blog dedicated to exploring counseling from all angles and perspectives – compassionately, consciously, and intentionally. We hope that this will be a place for discussion and discovery, as well as a resource for all. I find it a bit difficult to say exactly what form this will take, but in a way, that is great – it/we will go with the flow and creativity that manifests from our blogging and interaction with anyone interested in issues related to counseling and psychology.

awhile back i posted my thoughts about this new blog, here’s an excerpt:

i am extremely passionate about the field of therapy and would love to be a part of a community that is working to propagate a holistic, integral perspective of what a therapist and therapy is. there are so many stereotypes about counselors and psychologists that simply are not true and there is a wide population of people who have been let down and disregarded in traditional therapeutic processes. we hope to use this blog to explore and focus on anything and everything that is related to counseling and psychology.

does this sound interesting to you? do you want to participate?

eudaemonia

an incredibly common and familiar place of frustration and anxiety for many is the unanswered questions of what do i want to do? what are my ambitions? what am i passionate about? where should i invest my energy?

thomas directed my attention to this article about eudaemonia, the good life by martin seligman.

seligman writes about three kinds of a happy lives.

the pleasant life, which consists of having as many of the positive emotions as you can, and learning the skills that amplify them… the smiley, giggly view of happiness… positive emotion.

eudaemonia, the good life…knowing what your signature strengths are and recrafting everything you do to use them a much as possible. the pursuit of happiness…the pleasures of contemplation and the pleasures of good conversation…when one has a good conversation, when one contemplates well. When one is in eudaemonia, time stops. You feel completely at home. Self-consciousness is blocked. You’re one with the music.

The good life consists of the roots that lead to flow. It consists of first knowing what your signature strengths are and then recrafting your life to use them more — recrafting your work, your romance, your friendships, your leisure, and your parenting to deploy the things you’re best at. What you get out of that is not the propensity to giggle a lot; what you get is flow, and the more you deploy your highest strengths the more flow you get in life.

the pursuit of meaning… meaning consists in attachment to something bigger than you are. The self is not a very good site for meaning, and the larger the thing that you can credibly attach yourself to, the more meaning you get out of life… joining and serving in things larger than you that you believe in while using your highest strengths is a recipe for meaning.

anyone seeking to answer those initial questions, seeking to keep their life nourishing and fullfilling, seeking to invest their energy in the most fruitful places, is wise to practice eudaemonia. it’s amazing how deeply connecting with our signature strengths has the power to stop time, liberate us from self-consciousness, empower us to feel at home, enchant us into becoming one with the music, inviting us to continuously flow, flow, flow.

seligman’s website, authentichappiness.com, offers many questionaires and resourses to discovering your signature strengths and realizing your potential for lasting fulfillment. if you visit the site and take any of the tests, be sure to let us know what you think.