feeling your own story

rabbi marc gafni has definitely acquired a special place in my heart (yes, christy, i too have thoroughly enjoyed integral naked’s 3 part series with him). gafni ended the third discussion by explaining patchworks of redemption:

a person to experience the notion of really feeling their own story — and feeling the wonder and grace and infinite radiant beauty is just so incredibly important….

the greatest gift any of us can give a person is to reflect back to them, through our faces, that we are receiving them and their wonder…

he went on to explain that this practice is just what Integral Kabbalah is. integral means integrity and kabbalah means to receive. thus, integral kabbalah is

the integrity of receiving…

to receive someone else with integrity…

to receive their wholeness and their wonder.

how often do you take the time to really feel your own story? do you feel the wonder, grace, and infinite radiant beauty? what about you is wonder-full, grace-full, beauty-full? wow, wouldn’t it be amazing if each of you (and others) that so heart-fully shared how you’d like to be remembered would share something about you that is wonderful, graceful, and/or beautiful. it’s okay, no one will think that you are full of yourself, instead we’ll show integrity, receiving your wholeness and your wonder, and hopefully reflecting it back to you. (i’m caught in a day dream now of living in a world where it’s not considered bragging to acknowledge one’s gifts and the infinite radiant beauty that one offers to the world… and also a society in which it’s not intimidating to try and locate that within ourselves.)

honoring life

this precious reminder/guidance is from chris corrigan’s sharing about the celebration of his father-in-law’s life.

As Merle Ace. one of Pete’s long time academic colleagues said,

the greatest honour is to be remembered in the way in which you wanted to be remembered.

Pete would have loved that celebration.

will you share with us one way in which you want to be remembered? Just think of this as practice ground… as this is precious information that i’m sure your loved ones want to (or already) know.

Comments:

I want to leave so much love in the hearts of my loved ones that there will be no need to remember me, because I will still be right there with them. I want my life and my after life to be a celebration. A full on, huge spread of food, awesome booty shakin music, lots of laughter goodbye party would be cool too.
leela | 10.28.04 – 3:05 am | #

GravatarSince doing this thing, I have been thinking about how to be remembered, and I would want some kind of party which invites together all of the disparate parts of my life so they can meet each other: Indians, Irish musicians, Bowen Islanders, facilitators, OST people, the whole works. Then I would love someone to run an Open Space with everyone together, looking at extending these improbably relationships into a world where they might all do some good together.

My death as invitation for collaboration across impossible divides. That would be great. You up for opening that space ash?
Chris Corrigan | Homepage | 10.28.04 – 3:55 am | #

Gravatari’ll be there, chris (even if my own memorial comes first!)

it’s funny, i have two pieces of music that are back-to-back on a cd called “the gentle side of john coltrane,” and for some reason when i listen to them, i often think, those two songs are all i need for my memorial. they are about feeling it all, and releasing it all into joy. track 11 is “in a sentimental mood,” duke ellington’s tune, a rare time when coltrane and ellington recorded together. track 12 is called “dear lord,” with mccoy tyner back on the keys, & if my life has a theme song, that’s it.

since you’re taking notes for the event ash, they’re both slow-dances
chris weaver | 10.28.04 – 5:20 am | #

Gravatarhmm… i would want to be remembered for my laughter (maybe play giggle tracks or something), my love, and that no matter what i did, i tried my best and put my everything into it. i want to be cremated, have no wake (dead bodies are not who we are), and perhaps a celebration equal to my wedding, also on the silver sands beach, where people i loved would gather to watch me (or my ashes) fly into the wind and finally get to travel to all the places i’ve always wanted to see.
becky | 10.28.04 – 3:46 pm | #

GravatarWow. At my father’s funeral we played his favorite music; displayed hundreds of pictures; I wrote a journal of what I learned from him, etc. His friends remebered him the way he would want to be remembered.

I had a friend call and say, “I don’t really know how to say this… and I know it sounds weird, but that is the best funeral I have ever attended.”

My father must have been smiling from heaven.

Rick
rick luoni | Homepage | 10.29.04 – 12:09 am | #

GravatarI want to be remembered for encouraging others to live out their full humanity.

Rick
rick luoni | Homepage | 10.29.04 – 12:10 am | #

GravatarI want to be remembered for being compassionate and for always being honest. Those are things I am constantly working on in my life and I think it would be great if that’s what people remembered about me. The older I get, however, the more I realize that we all have different impressions of each other – to some people I have seemed shy and timid, to others loud and bold, yet to others grounded and calm and to some freespirited and spontaneous. I guess I am a little bit of all of these things, like we all are, so I think realistically everyone would have a slightly different way of remembering me. Maybe not mostly my compassion or honesty. oh well. And that is the crazy beautiful thing about life – that reality is not necessarily a shared thing and we all interpret our time here so differently. ( Kinda went off on a tangent there, but thanks for asking my opinion Ashley.
annab | 10.29.04 – 10:57 am | #

Gravatari want to be remembered only by a select few. opening up my soul is the greatest gift I can offer someone. i want my legacy to be making a genuine effort into investigating the souls of others and finding those that are indeed worthy of an invitation into who i am.
sam | 10.29.04 – 11:35 am | #

Gravatari want to be remembered in a way that honors the reverence that i have for life. i want for those remembering me to be drenched in joy, appreciation, and gratitude for the opportunity to be alive. i’d love for each person to celebrate their own life in memory of my life, embracing the fullness of their own gifts that they sprinkle throughout the world.
ashley | Homepage | 10.29.04 – 3:02 pm | #

Gravatari love this!

leela, can i borrow from you… leaving such love in the hearts of others that they know we’re still right there with them. YES!

corrigan, of course i’d open the space. i got an idea though, let’s do one together (with all those people from disparate parts of your life) and then if i’m still around when you pass away we can have at it again. what do you say? it’d be a great model for all of us to follow.

weaver, dancing slowly, feeling it all, releasing it all into joy… i can feel it moving through me now.

beck, do you have some giggle tracks recorded? i’d love one now!

rick, welcome, and keep at the encouragement.. . your blog is most definitely that.

anna, such an annab tangent, thanks for gracing us with your presence. i love feeling all of those different parts of you shining through.

sam, it’s great to see you here again… and watch out folks because he is sneaky in his ways of investigating. those eyes just focus right in and……

really, thank you all for sharing here. i love knowing this about you.

with love,
ashley | Homepage | 10.30.04 – 1:43 am | #

Gravatarthinking of your comment to chris corrigan, what a very interesting notion…to have an open space event in honor of a person (who is still entirely with us!) just to experience what sparks to life when a self-selecting web of that person’s relations comes together face-to-face. how would one word the theme…”play-time in the chris corrigan portal”? sounds worth a trip to me….
chris weaver | 10.30.04 – 7:33 am | #

GravatarI want to come too! An Open Space with an organizing theme of honor (celebration, gratitude, appreciation, love)–what a wonderful attractor. And it’s certain that opening space via the “Chris Corrigan portal” would magnetize & draw in an incredible, amazing array of dazzling sparks–I’d love to get to see what would happen!
Christy | 10.30.04 – 1:51 pm | #

GravatarAll right…I’ll make sure you’re all on the invitation list.

But it won’t happen for a while

*knock on wood!*
Chris Corrigan | Homepage | 10.30.04 – 2:41 pm | #

GravatarAshley, I’m so glad you asked this question, it really helped me get in touch with some deeper currents in myself.

Through self-inquiry, I realized that my answer reflected both the masculine (agentic) as well as the feminine (communal) impulses of my being–thanks for giving me the opportunity to so intimately touch my truest intentions.

I want to be remembered as a person who consciously conquered fear in the service of creative emergence and Enlightenment, and who used the fruit of this vision to recognize the Beauty, Truth, and Goodness at the heart of every being with the intent to help them realize their true nature and fullfill their soul’s “blueprint” as written in flesh.

I want to be remembered as someone worthy of infinite trust, someone with insight sufficient to reject the seduction of equating the occlusions of ego with the always already Great Perfection of vajra (diamond/indestructible) nature.

I want to be remembered as someone who relished every realm of existence, every dimension of being without being identified with any of them, and whose heart beat to the kosmic rythym of joy, joy, joy.

Thanks for helping me attend to my own funeral. I love you.
Brandy | 10.30.04 – 5:58 pm | #

GravatarI want to be remembered as someone who enjoyed each moment — unconditionally staying with what is emerging. Someone who sees the best in others and holds that vibration, and can find the fun anywhere — bring on the party!! I want to be remembered as a mischevious grin on the faces of those who know me! Judi
Judi Richardson | Homepage | 10.31.04 – 12:02 am | #

GravatarJudi…I ALWAYS picture you with a mischevious grin on your face…!

It’ll be sooo good to see you again in Halifax!
Chris Corrigan | Homepage | 11.02.04 – 12:20 pm | #

Gravatarbrandy, you rock.
hi judi! nice to see you here!
love,
chris weaver | 11.02.04 – 11:22 pm | #

GravatarI would like for anyone to be able to view life through my eyes, just as much as I would want to do the same with others. It would be such a fine parting gift to say, see what I have seen so that you can fully experience who I was! I would like to be wide open for others to discover me. We are universes ready to be explored. There are so many questions that might be answered for us by fully experiencing one another. There is no end to what we can learn. I can see that from all of the responses!! I am not as graceful with words, but I think the main thing for me to leave behind is how much I love people and see how truly special they are. Thanks for the opportunity to speak!
Cathy | 11.03.04 – 10:22 pm | #

GravatarOk, ok, here it goes Miss Asheley! My first reply with you! Yeah! Sorry it’s took so long, but you know me and my luddite ways….

Reading over others comments before writing, I think may have planted many different seeds and influenced my thoughts. On one hand (like the life I live), I have this idealistic view of how I think I should be remembered (sort of like how I think I SHOULD be living my life). But this is not always congruent with how I will be remembered, or how I do live my life. The two are connected my nature though, seen?

So, like several have said in different ways, I want to be remembered as being a creature of love and one who inspired others to live out LOUD! A person who cared, and was cared for by many equally loving and giving people. I think this answer would have been much different 10 years ago, and will be 10 years from now. Hopefully because of growth. And I think that’s the main thing I would want to be remembered for, one who helped others grow in loving and appreciating life. Like Rick described in his reply though, I think the greatest thing someone could say about me after my physical death, is “Wow, what a wonderful funeral!”, and say it full of joy and love, not sadness or regrets.

Thank you all for being inspiring Souls…
Don | 01.02.05 – 1:53 pm | #

GravatarHi Ashley and all,

Very inspiring!

I would like to be remembered also as one who inspired others to live more fully and authentically. And to be understood as someone who learned how to move from an I to a We.

Thank you all!
Michael DuBois | 03.19.05 – 11:22 pm | #

Gravatarthis thread began, right about the time that i went to oklahoma for my grandfathers funeral. this experience bought a great inner peace deep inside of me. for the first time i truly felt what it was like to be a part of a family. as i listened to the memories of my grandfather what was common to all of the stories was how loved each grandchild/child felt by my grandad. and how supportive and what a big fan he was of anything that his grandchildren were into to. through this experience something inside of me shifted greatly and i feel like there is this fire of happiness inside of me. when i returned home everyone commented on how shiney or sparkely i was… i want to be remember in the same supportive, nurturing and loving light. and those behind me shining and sparkling.
Tracy | 03.21.05 – 6:50 pm | #

Gravatarmy funeral would be a ramshackle shuffle of warm bodies milling around some favorite dive of mine, maybe The Sunlight Cafe, or maybe the lobby of The Harvard Exit…. people there would have a chance to compare notes on chris the freak, chris the open heart, and chris the broken soul. somebody would find some half-written script of a movie idea i scribbled down in my journal based on a recent reverie i had while snuggling with my current love and listening to the snow fall. the reverie entails me behind the wheel of some souped-up hot rod waiting out a red light in heavy traffic, antsy to get someplace. a news reporter sticks their mike in my open window to ask me a question about the giant honey pots in the back seat. “their for the bear,” I say, not taking my eyes off the light. “bear? what bear?” says the newsperson, incredulous. “if you don’t know, i can’t tell you,” i say, and peel off down the street. final shot: two bumperstickers on my rear bumper: “got suffering?” next to: “honey inside.”

ash — it’s been such a gift to know you this past year. you and your many wonderful friends teach me so much about climbing on board this electronic superhighway and setting up nothing more than a lemonade stand….

i’ll attend your funeral if you attend mine
Chris Fiset | Homepage | 11.30.06 – 10:04 pm | #

GravatarChris Fiset, I so love the way you pull to the surface colors of reality that have never been seen before…

I am pretty fixated on gratefulness these days…I want to be remembered as one of those people who was full of appreciation for every small and large thing.

Speaking of which, dear Ashley, thank you for all the many ways you invite imagination and conversation and connection. You are a living blessing-being!

lots of love,
christy | Homepage | 12.07.06 – 9:12 pm | #

child-like

i asked: what gives someone a child-like quality?

and liz responded:

Openness, playfulness, being energised

Exploring for the sake of it, not with any particular outcome in mind

Being fully absorbed (think of those frowns of concentration)

Being aware and alive to the possibilities

Trust- feeling looked after, knowing things will somehow work out

Determination-dogged repetition in pursuit of mastery

Being able to express yourself fully (include anger and frustration)

Spontaneous gestures of giving and receiving love

Learning how to share and take turns –and playing games that practise it

Conversely, learning to be independent “I can do it myself”

Seeing every day as a new adventure

Anticipation “Are we nearly there yet?”

Impatience “I want to go NOW” “Shopping AGAIN?”

Being completely unselfconscious

And, of course, being easily amazed

those of you that are easily amazed… anything to add to this beautiful list?

another quote from Chamalu: The Shamanic Way of the Heart by Luis Espinoza

Are purity and innocnence possible in a society as corrupt as today’s?” asked Ajlla.

The innocence we proclaim has nothing in common with stupidity,” I affirmed. “Purity is one fo the characteristices of the Wanderer, his refuge and his strength. When we speak of purity, it includes the sense of ubiquity. That lucidity makes loving attitudes possible, inspired by the hightest sentiments.

To be indigenous, to be wild in this new Pachacuti,” i continued,” means to be children again. When we are again childlike, we aren’t interested in diplomas or applause, in a ppearances or in gratitude, but only in a life full of action, because everything then becomes a sacred play.

The children of the Earth recognize innocence as their natural condition.That’s why the do not fear caresses, no are they frightened of spontaneity. They are humble and gentle. They don’t seem to know much, but you feel in their innate clarity that wisdom is part of the natural conditins, as heat is to the Sun. Purity gurantees total action. Your actions then become circular, and the opinion of othes is no more important than the leaves blown by the autumn wind.

Be yourself…Liberate your freedom. Allow your spontaneity to manifest itself throughout your body. Contemplate life with eyes of purity; then, wherever you look, you will see beauty.

shabbat prayer

it is said,
that the soul of man
is like a
candle to god.

and so we light our
inner flames
letting them shine bright with
the light of god.

and the peace within us
radiates
shining with the light of
the source of all life.

and the light of the candles
illuminates the home
filling it with peace within-
within thy family and within thy soul.

oh-so thankful,
we invite-
we breathe in this light of peace
deep into our souls.

and as we exhale,
the light travels out.
it recognizes, harmonizes, and unifies
with scattered sparks of holiness
all around the world.

and in this sacred moment,
our hearts are united,
glowing
with the light
of god.

Comments:

thanks for this prayer, ashley.
it doesn’t always need much light to lighten up the dark. resting the eyes on one small candle flame can be enough to embrace the thunder clouds floating through the mind.
one small candle can heal this moment and bless you with its simple grace.
love
Kojan | 10.25.04 – 6:32 am | #

Gravatarlightening up the dark

resting the eyes
embracing the thunder clouds

one small candle-
healing this moment
blessing you
with
simple grace.
love.

thank you for this prayer, jan.

love,
ashley | Homepage | 10.25.04 – 1:06 pm | #

Gravatar

Hi Ashley,

As always your reflections stir if not disturb – there must be a response!

In that space of my own reflection in the moment I’m wondering about the struggle to keep balance between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. While lawyers seem to be dominating decision making on our behalf can we expect peace? Isn’t it their nature to be combatitive?

I am eagerly looking forward to a world where our thoughts and actions are more guided by poets and visionairies like yourself.

Thank you for the Light and the Fire!

Mike
Mike Cumberbatch | 10.31.04 – 10:00 am | #

worthiness

The fact that we are one with the Infinite is the ground of our being worthy beyond any judgment otherwise. Each of us is worthy of love, worthy of peace and abundance, worthy of prosperity. No one can give us a sense of worthiness; not even we can create it for ourselves. It is our natural state and therefore cannot be created. Only discovered.

~gassho

wishing us all a day of discovering the infinite ground of our worthiness.

commenting on comments

there are some women in my life that are remarkable with words. they can dive deep into their being and share the recipe they find with impeccable language, words that sweep others off their feet, out of their head, and into a genuine place of being, present, with what is happening, here, now… regardless of how comfortable, uncomfortable, beautiful, mucky, inviting, fearfull, enticing, delicious, disgusting, wanted, or unwanted the places of being are. and blessed us, these three ladies travel with us here at easily amazed. so, thanks to the gentle nudging and loquacious sharings of siona, leela, and brandy, i’ve upgraded the comments and you now have 3x the space to share your heart’s desires. AND… all of the old comments have been reestablished. so if you’re bored, meander through the archives and check out the comments… there is quite a garden of nutritious sharing growing in these parts!

Attention is like Water

michael directed my attention to this provacative article by stephen dinan, Attention is like Water

Attention is like water – it brings life to whatever it touches. Whether it is a neglected child who is acting out in school, or a weary body thirsty for a vacation, everything that exists needs attention to thrive. The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that the universe is winding down, tending towards increased entropy. Attention winds the universe back up. It’s the turbine of evolution, the Godforce within us, creating businesses, families, communities, relationships, even social movements.
…
This month, I’ve been thinking more about how much actual attention I have – how much water is in the watering can? If I spread it too thin, everything wilts eventually from inadequate attention, including me. If I focus it too intently, I find myself impatient, wanting to see more happening more quickly. What do I include in the garden of my life, knowing that each and every thing in the garden will need attention in order to thrive and result in a harvest?There’s an art to knowing precisely how much attention we have and therefore how much we can care for in our lives.

what are you giving your attention to? what in your life needs your attention?

Comments:

Ah! I tend to be a wild scatterer, rather than a focused concentrator, of attention. And I’ve noticed that I swing in approximately 2-yr cycles, first feeling limbo-ish and in-waiting, and then saying yes and yes to invitations and casting the net out wide, then deciding it’s all too much to pay attention to (mmhmm, that’s exactly how I experience it, too)and I start to “push things off my plate,” choosing to stay home more and tend to homey family details. Then the charisma of the “outside” world catches my eye again and starts a new cycle.

Right now what needs attention are my Angel Trumpet (out on the deck, should have brought it in the house last week), some dishes to put away, and a sudden craving to be immersed in warm water!

love to you, Ashley
Christy | 10.19.04 – 2:14 am | #

GravatarI just wanted to thank you for posting these excerpts and questions. They inevitably give me much to think about . . . my one complaint is that these small comment boxes seem nowhere near adequate to hold the weight of what you ask! But thank you, truly. This blog is such a joy.
Siona | Homepage | 10.19.04 – 3:48 am | #

GravatarOooh, what an apt analogy! Here’s the cultivating That which nutures our gardens!

Love you so much!
Brandy
Brandy | 10.19.04 – 3:24 pm | #

Gravatar

GravatarI turned myself to face me. What wasn’t there is what I am missing giving my attention to. Right now my attention in on fear, which is not so bad when I am just paying attention and not engaging or running from it.

Living art, breathing art, being art. Beautifully. Just like you Ashley, just like you.
leela | 10.21.04 – 1:40 am | #

Gravatarexceptionally helpful response from christy:

I am guessing that you are a “Fire” constitutional type (and maybe more
specifically a “Triple Warmer” which is one of the Fire organs, along with the Small Intestine, Pericardium, and Heart). Fire is all about passion, relationship, creativity, joy, humor, intimacy, communication, leadership (& sometimes control issues), interpersonal boundaries, etc.

So, if that’s your “constitutional element” then it would make perfect sense that you crave warmth, and warmth (inner & outer) is a good and important quality for you to radiate and to receive (though not in excess or to the exclusion of coolness–Chinese medicine/culture is so all about moderation in all things after all!). Easy ways to gather warmth if you’re feeling too cool: warm water, saunas, hugs, a little cinnamon or cardamom or ginger or cayenne in your food, spicy tea (chai), little or no ice cream or ice in your drinks. On the other hand, it’s easy for Fire types to get overhot–scattered, insomniac, sweaty, a little “fried” or “burnt-out” feeling, in which cases it’s important to slow down and avoid the above warming influences for a while.
ashley | Homepage | 10.23.04 – 4:55 pm | #