baring all!



picture by eric stone

what’s your most memorable moment from a trip?

when i’m asked to sink deep into my memories of israel, two things happen. immediately my body takes on a different feel. i am full and very sensitive… and then i see a rainbow….

shall we take another dip into my journal…from time in israel…

“the most moving moment for me and the fullest understanding of israeli life that i embody right now is of the juxtaposition of life’s extremes. consistant travel amongst such extremes creates a very condensed embodiment (today’s word!).

i’ll start with the story. our afternoon was spent listening to the story of gavriel and his mother. he was murdered at his school by an arab gunman. he was a very ambitious youth who was committed to studying, being of service, living selflessly, always striving to grow and be his fullest self. his mother had been working with arabs in some way prior to his death. he was murdered less than a year ago and she sat with 30 of us and shared his life… as he was during his waking years and as he inspires and influences after his death. she sees that there is some greater plan and for gavriel to die, she must continue the work he began.

we came home to hear of a suicide bombing on a tel aviv bus. then it was time for dinner. at dinner, eran, a soldier stood up to share his thoughts: he heard of the bombing and then wondered what we would eat for dinner. sitting amongst a room full of americans, however, he noticed the hardening of himself– and wondered: how it must look to those people? that i think so little of such a horrible act? because of the circumstances and the reality of life, however, he said that it is difficult to be effected by such news. unfortunately it has become so common. and it is imperative to not give in and to keep on living.

later that night, as my eyes were ready to sleep, conversation between he and i and dana, another soldier, explored more of the perspective on “the situation”, on the strength of their army, on… and how since the intifada, belief in and hope for peace has dwindled. compassion for palestenians is scarce… (what went unsaid but could be felt so fully was… there is death everywhere)

the next morning we awake to learn that of the 4 killed is one of nirit’s friends. it hits home. this attack that occurs during our visit has direct connection to us. i am sitting and feeling the impact of this pain. the depth of my sorrow. and imagining — such a depth as being commonplace — a part of the ordinary. the room is heavy… and then we are invited into another realm.

the most amazing rainbow beckons us outside. a full arch. the air is speckled and misty. the green mountains lie just beyond this archway of color – splendor. to me the rainbow appears as a gateway– the pain and sorrow inside the room behind me, divine beauty before me. the land and the rainbow lure me into the magical world of amazement… and my heart rests open. my soul passes through the gateway embraced by the colors of the rainbow. and the colors of this particular rainbow were so rich. often that violet is difficult for me to see. it’s magic is faint and subtle. but on this day — all light was present.

and then i was told that rainbows are a bridge connecting earth to the heavens. later someone said the torah says that rainbows remind man of god’s promise not to inflict another flood upon the humans. however, if he presents a rainbow, it means they have done something he does not approve of.

and for me. the rainbow is a stamp of divine presence, a reminder of the magic of life, an invitation into the realm of nature, a bath of color in which to cleanse, nourish, refuel.

and so on this day in israel… the intensity of extremities, the juxtaposition of close neighbors, the reality of immense pain and radiant joy swirled amongst one another. it is this dance–not a fluid latin dance, but a choppy jagged pulse that seems to be reality here. from a moment to moment basis. on an individual level up through the collective, social, cultural world. one minute the beauty of the sea, the intellectual and emotional candy of good conversation and the next minute, fear of a missing (dead) child. (remember: these are the words we don’t say)

and so i wonder about this condensed feeling i feel. the world is not safe here. to be totally open is quite dangerous/destructive. and so the spectrum, from end to end, must be tightly packed into the consciousness. all extremes easily accessible — available.

and so lives this warm, welcoming, inviting, inspirational, courageous people — guarded, protected, quick to respond, without boundaries, aggressive, intense.

from this stock i come! so naturally, so innocently, so really!”

questions

i’m not able to give attention to these questions at the moment, but i know there are some other readers of this site who might feel inclined to respond.

from “ms. magazine’s “women of the year” edition… the saddest one was a 23 year old who stood in the way of an israeli tank when she was trying to stop it from demolishing palestinian settlements. the tank ran her right over… why is there such hate in this world? ash, did you see evidence of this while in israel? what did it look like? if this topic is too sensitive for you, you don’t have to answer it.”

hmmm….

a couple odd “facts” noted in my psychopathology class:

~ the time period in the united states history in which there were the most drug addicts was immediately following the civil war. this country was filled with morphine addicts.

~ research has found (as other research has argued against) that a significant number of individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia are born in january, february, march and early april. (fascinating that people think to research month of birth?)

subtle blessings

a wish from my friend, andrea browning:

“happy monday. may this week be full of subtle blessings.”

of course, if you feel like sharing one of those subtle blessings in the comment box below it will be read with eager eyes. the blessing extends that much further when you share it with others. i used to be self-conscious about sharing such blessings. i thought that i was bragging or rubbing in my good fortune. but in reality, i was just really excited about one of the amazing things that happened in my day and thought that others would benefit from and share in the excitement….

nowadays i’m all about sharing those blessings. like how cool it is that i can ramble about my own issues on this website and think that others might actually care to read about the lessons that i’ve learned (and laugh out loud knowing that if they don’t care…they won’t be reading!!!).

Face to Face

my friend, jake stewart, sent these words to me. i share them with you:

“I know soldier deaths have become ‘back page news’ in many papers across the country…. but seeing these 600 young faces serves as a stark reminder to the growing human cost of this politically driven campaign. Although the Whitehouse won’t release the official wounded soldier numbers, it is estimated to total upwards of 10,000. Something to keep in mind as D.C. attempts to quietly re-label the motives for this conflict as ‘Humanitarian’.

U.S. & Coalition/Casualties

Make sure to hit the ‘NEXT’ button when you get to the bottom of page one….

want a laugh?

hi :) my name is mosh…and i have never posted on a blog before…but i really like how that word, “blog,” sounds…so i think i’ll give it a try. if any of you have a free second (and can play your computer speakers loud and laugh a lot) you should check out the web site www.rathergood.com. i especially recommend the orangutan ballad and the “we like the moon” song.

my love to cyberland…and especially to the beautiful woman in flight who created this bloggy space for all of us to share (can “bloggy” be an adjective?)

smile,

mosh