The experience of being loved is one of acute receptivity, of taking in the gift of another. It necessitates readiness to let the other person penetrate one’s deepest stratum; it requires openess and lack of defensiveness and suspiciousness that the loving person will be injurious. In the experience of letting the other person love us, we willingly take the risk of being hurt. The fact that the loving other has the power to hurt (to reject) and chooses not to gives the experience a sense of magnetism.
When we feel totally loved by someone who really “matters,” the ecstatic receptive experience makes us feel beautiful, perfect, graceful, profound, and wise. Our deepest, most profound stirrings of self-appreciation, self-love, and self-knowledge surface in the presence of a person whom we experience as totally accepting. It is as though we say, “When I know your total acceptance, then I can show you my softest, most penetrable, delicate, beautiful, and vulnerable self” (Carl Rogers).
~ Joseph Zinker in Creative Process in Gestalt Therapy
Do you have love like this in your life? Are you acutely receptive, drinking the gifts of others? Do you let others into the depths of your inner world, sharing the treasures that lie beneath your layers? Do you risk being hurt for the opportunity to feel beautiful, perfect, graceful, profound, and wise? Do you love in this way? Are you totally accepting of those that you love so that they feel at peace and free to share with you their softest, most penetrable, delicate, and beautiful self? Do the people that you love know how accepted they are so that they may expose themselves to you, open their heart to you, and trust that you will be tender and respectful, loving and appreciative of their vulnerable, undefended self? Do you feel seen and appreciated by the people that love you? Do you communicate, in clear and articulate ways, that which you see and appreicate in the people that you love?
And if you’re seriously asking yourself these questions… what type(s) of loving relationship(s) are you imagining? Your spouse, your partner, your lover, your child, your parent, your friend? Who are the people that really “matter” in your life and thus have the opportunity to catalyze an ecstatic receptive experience, to travel with you, accompanying you, as you blossom and grow, radiate and shine as the most beautiful, perfect expression of you that you’ve yet to experience? With whom do you allow such intimate relationships to sprout?
There are so many rich flavors of intimacy — physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual — each with infinite shades and textures. One unfortunate facet of our society is a common myth that the depths of an intimate relationship can only be experienced with a life partner or romantic lover. Frequently when a person feels seen, accepted, appreciated, and loved, there is an assumption of the presence of sexual desire or attraction. And yet, this need not be the case.
So in honor of the many types of intimacy that decorate our world and make my own personal experience of living so incredibly rich, I would like to say THANK YOU to each of you that loves me, accepts me, appreciates me, receives me, and companions me on this wonderful adventure of self acceptance and trust, self-appreciation, self-love, and self-knowledge. Thank you for loving me and for giving me the opportunity to gush forth my love to you.
sincerely,
ashley
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Sadly I am still skeptical about others loving me, much to my own surprise too. I feel like I should be beyond such blatant self doubt and vulnerability. It doesn’t happen much but I so still get this overwhelming panic that sharing loving space with someone is almost too good to be true and my mind runs rampant with thoughts that make me contract and feel like I am drowning in doubt.
However, the experience of being truly seen and loved is something beyond expression; once the panic and clinging subside. I find being free of attachment and just wallowing in the love that is all around me to be one of the biggest reasons that I choose to stay in a body. I spent so much time contracted around such things, rejecting the sentimentality to the point that I wondered if anything like true love really existed. I hate it when I waste time buying into that fear, I miss so much yumminess that way.
Loving you is a very rewarding experience Ashley Cooper. You make my heart well up with love and pride. Thank you for being one of the reasons I live my life with my heart wide open.
leela | 01.27.05 – 10:52 pm | #
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 Dear Ash, You are kinda like the anthesis of a black hole. Hmmmm…a white whole? Don’t know where I am going with that; part of me is tired and I don’t want to struggle for words. Just feeling the space between your words, the pure white light, sparkles and dancing, filling and penetrating. I like to share this space that is made and offered up for the taking. I am so grateful for your unique way of offering it, Ashley!!! I need to bring my darkness too but the beautiful thing is that this is OK!
It is so easy to find myself in the dark part of existence (can I stand the grief and loss of another ending? What will I do with my life? Where will I go? Do I belong anywhere? Can I survive? What do I have to offer? What is wrong with me that I find myself here again?, Will I be rejected because of this pain I feel?). This ability to be able to find and see the darkness in itself is a great gift. The light shining on it allows me to KNOW it, perhaps even extend LOVE to it. I keep shining light on it, allow others to shine their light on it when I have lost my way, light penetrating my defenses, my contractions, feel the reaching outward, the accompanying fear and be aware of light shining on that too.
How do I keep the light on those I love at the times when I can’t feel that acceptance, appreciation and love comeing back? How do I contract and give the same lack of acceptance in return? Does it really matter who started it? NO!!! Opening in the face of this is the biggest challenge. Intimate love with a partner sure adds a whole other dimension of trickiness for me; the darkness gets a little thicker, more foggy and so much is obscured, my light is hard to find, hard to trust. And we all know one can’t hold onto light. All I can do is allow it in the best ways I know how, pray for it, invite it, acknowledge it and express my gratitude. Bow deeply to all of it.
Mary | 01.30.05 – 11:31 am | #
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For me Ashley, i was once a victim of hurt and pain associated with relationships. no matter how much i trusted, the inevitable always seemed to happen in that i was the one cast away and left. its weird i became so used to it that i began accepting it, like i deserved it. UNTIL i met my husband, my knight in shinning armour who accepted the love i had to offer, it took a while for me to relaxe and forget the feeling of failure and that it was sure to happen. in away the continued brokeness was away of accepting pain,sadness,suffering,from our relationship i have been able to show my love and love for others (especially my family) i wonder sometimes what this life would be like without love, how empty, for love to me is the most powerful feeling humans possess and i do beleive we could survive without other feelings such as anger and frustration,but we could not without love, yet how much it is abused and laughed at. from my relationship with my husband i have nurtured and let grow and express the very essence of human existence,LOVE!
ashley,when i read your posts they fill my spirit and light up my world, thank you for that.
i miss you!
with love,maria
maria | 02.08.05 – 9:04 am | #
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 leela, mary, and maria…
i am so touched by the depth and honesty of your sharing here. it is quite remarkable to me that it is possible to create “safe” spaces within the internet for vulnerability and genuine heart sharing. it is such an honor to feel that flavor at easily amazed. i feel like it’s such a gift to be a part of this network with you all.
Mary, i’m so glad you know not to struggle for the words to use here. that you know that your light and darkness is embraced and accepted here. that you continuously, both when connected to your light and your darkness, reflect such luminous light. all of you, for that matter, that participate here are so incredibly reflective that i am continuously in awe!
leela, if you feel like sharing more, i’d love to hear some other reasons why you live your life with your heart wide open. and ways in which you do that. i’m always trying to deepen my practice (grin).
and maria, i give thanks to kyle and you for re-opening yourself and letting that precious love flow gracefully into the world. oh, the countless hearts that it touches.
love to you all,
ashley | Homepage | 02.11.05 – 5:47 pm | #
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