Just before returning to Texas to retrieve my belongings, Miriam asked me, “How does it feel to travel so much?” I carried this question with me as I was unpacking and repacking my boxes, saying hello and goodbye to friends in Texas, and traveling across the country, arriving at the front door of my new home in Seattle, ready to settle in.
At the end of this journey, I felt like the majority of my attention was focused on finding my own stability. I felt slightly obsessed with my desire for a home, for a safe place that was mine, where I could land, unwind, and Be, expressing whatever aspect of me that was present at the moment. At times I was quite hard on myself, feeling like this yearning was getting in the way of me being present with what was unfolding around me. And it was getting in the way; I often noticed that my attention was split between what was occurring in the present moment and what it was that I needed to DO to bring my desire closer to reality.
A night of friends, good food, a hilarious game of charades and lots of laughter left me feeling in synch. Lying on my bed, I was washed with such joy and appreciation for being alive. I was filled with gratitude for this blessed life that I experience and for the company of such incredible people on this journey. I felt so clearly that I was woven into the tapestry of my environment. . . aligned with Being.
AHA. . . THAT’S IT! Aligned with Being (one of those AHA moments ignited within me!)
I realized that part of the beauty of being stable and having ‘Place’ is the opportunity to be woven into one’s environment. We surround ourselves with people, materials, and places with which we fit. When living a healthy lifestyle, we are able to fluidly move about in our surroundings. We are comfortable and relaxed, not carrying too much weight, gliding effortlessly with elegant ease from one mode of being to another. For me, it is when my life becomes burdened with effort that I recognize something is out of alignment and in need of greater awareness, more focused attention. When traveling, the feeling of being woven into my environment was more sporadic. It would come in crisp moments, then drift to the background.
This AHA brought me back full circle.
December 31, 2004, my car and I started our journey heading northwest. A major, life-shifting event had swept out all the plans that decorated my future and offered me the opportunity to just trust my heart. In theory, I believe that if we dedicate ourselves to this moment (right now), offering our gifts and talents as service to humanity, following our passion, being honest with ourselves and others, and listening deeply to guidance that is before us and within us. . . that life unfolds exactly as it should. I encourage, support and inspire people to listen to their heart, to trust that they are guided. I decided it was time to put my own theory to the test, letting go and Listening, heading out with one intention, to Be.
I know that I am a very responsible Doer. When something needs to get done, I’m quick to figure out what action needs taken to accomplish the task. The mission of my travels of the past 6 months was to allow Doing to arise from Being. Rather than figuring out a plan and setting out to bring it to action (Doing), I decided to Be the fullest expression of myself that I could be in each moment. I trust that if I’m fully Being, the Doing will naturally arise. If I’m sharing the gifts that I have to offer to the world with the world, right now, a ‘job’ will unfold. If I’m interacting with people openly and genuinely, open and genuine people will become a part of my community. If I Am, then that which I need to Do becomes self-evident and unfolds in my life in a fluid manner. When I’m focused on doing, taking care of business, making things happen, sometimes I forget to fully Be. My attention is split between what is occuring in the present moment and what I need to do; my Being is more sproradic, coming in crisp moments and then fleeing to the background.
So, I return to the analogy of visiting others. When I am tip-toeing around other people’s life, trying not to impose, trying to fit in, trying to find my place of belonging, I’m Doing and I feel the effort of not being an integrated part of the system. When I am resting as myself, comfortable in my body, comfortable in my environment, glowing as just-me, I am a fluid part of the tapestry of Now. I am a part of my environment. I am Being and from that being, the action (or doing) that is needed rises to the surface and lets itself be known.
It’s nice to see this lesson continue to grow within me. I am beginning this next chapter of my life and feel so grateful for the positive confirmations that it’s possible to live in this way that I so adore. And, I have clear signs of how much work and play is still to come in my ever-unfolding process of remembering to just Be!