we’re reading and discussing In Search of Good Form: Gestalt Therapy with Couples and Families by Joseph Zinker in the gestalt training group that i am in. we spent some time on this passage this morning (and i want to share it with you!):
Happy couples and families, by our definition, usually possess some combinations of these features. They
* hear each other
* own their feelings and ideas
* exchange ideas so that a good fit is achieved
* ask each other questions, rather than making assumptions
* disagree and accept differences without fear
* accommodate each other
* fight for what feels “right” and “good” for each other
* start, develop, and finish a discussion or event and then let it go
* share pains, curiosities, regrets, resentments, tenderness–a variety of needs and wants
* learn to accept a “yes” gratefully and a “no” graciously without holding onto resentment
* move from one experience to another without getting stuck
* let go of wanting something that is hopelessly unavailable
* laugh at themselves
* influence each other
* support each other’s interests and projects
* show pride and compassion for each other’s accomplishments and setbacks
* respect each other’s privacy and, at the same time, intrude when another withdraws in pain
* “mind each other’s business” when it comes to important matters
* tolerate strange and novel ideas from each other and
* dream together
what would you add to this list?