A strong part of my journey lately (always?) has to do with self-acceptance. I relate to what Dan Oestreich writes:
There is so much hubbub around us about self-help and improvement that the key precondition of personal change — self-acceptance — often gets completely lost.
With all the books and tapes and learning groups out there, it is very easy to fall into the pit of constantly attending to the gap between the ideal and the real — what I should be rather than what I am.
I can easily “over-focus” on my own ideals, losing sight of the fact that human change is mostly not a linear journey, but an organic one that paradoxically begins with awareness and acceptance of the parts that are not changing.
With acceptance comes grace, comes healing, comes change into our lives, and they come from someplace beyond ourselves and yet in a way that is completely intrinsic to who we are.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am,
then I can change.”–Carl Rogers
I came up with a new practice recently to help curb this tendency of mine. When I notice that I’m being particularly hard on myself or focusing strongly on the what-I-should-be rather than the who-I-am, I make myself stop every hour and write down one thing that I’ve done well in the last hour. Sometimes it’s easy and other times it’s hard to find something that I feel proud of, something that I recognize as being good enough… or especially great! The things I’ve written down vary in scale from making a healthy lunch, stopping to breath or notice a bird, or doing something kind for another person…. or even doing something kind for myself!
I love to grow… and sometimes I over-focus on all of the parts of me that provide me with opportunities to grow! This practice helps me notice what I’m doing well just as often as I notice where I could improve. At times I recognize that the hour is approaching and think, “Oh, quick… I’ve got to do something that I value!” And then I get to celebrate what I’ve done!
Here are a couple of other posts on change from Paul Cooper and Chris Corrigan that have caught my attention recently.
