oh, how i’m loving this book I Love You Rituals. i think you’ll be hearing about it for a bit! most of the words below are direct quotes…
Routines — help children learn to tell time and regulate their own internal clocks…they learn to predict what happens next… the goal of routine is continuity.
Rituals — the goal of rituals is connection. Rituals create a sacred space designed for togetherness and unity. Rituals are the glue that holds the mosaic of love together.
Dopamine — symbolically dopamine says “Focus on this; Pay attention.” It helps us stay focused….Dopamine motivates us to achieve our goals. It says, “Go for it; get what you desire.” Dopamine helps us take action toward achieving our goals, rather than passively wish things were different. Dopamine also is instrumental in creating the positive emotions we feel when we experience successful social intereactions.
The dopamine system appears to be “jump-started” and calibrated in the early years of life…The secret ingredients appear to be eye contact, touch and the bonding these interactions provide. Watch a caring adult interact with a six-month-old infant: Their eyes meet, and a connection is made between them. It is similar to later experiences we call love at first sight…
(I would expand the love at first sight to include the general feeling of falling in love. falling in love with another person, falling in love with a flower, falling in love with a song, falling in love with a thought, falling in love with the smell of coffee, falling in love with a moment.)
The allure of this mutual intimacy overrides the self-consciousness of even grumpy adults…I Love You Rituals are designed to foster eye contact and bonding. In the process, the dompamine system of children (and adults) is strengthened, as are attention span and social development.
Children who are surrounded by chronic bickering or tension at home may learn to tune out the unpleasantness to survive… (she goes on to explain a situation when a couple was arguing and the 10 year old child was) stoically staring out the window, his facial expression unfocused. He was doing what all of us have done at one time or another: He was “becoming invisible” and removing the fight from his pereceptual field. He was relieving the tension by lowering his ability to attend and thus depressing his dopamine level….
I Love You Rituals provide daily tune-ups…the journey to reconnection comes through communication. Communication occurs through the simultaneous engagement of eyes, touch, and loving words–all of which are provided in I Love You Rituals.
i adore how these words ring so true. in regards to tuning out the unpleasantness, i find it meaningful to recognize how much the tuning out process served us in our past. it was a habit that we created or adapted to as a survival technique. however, as adults, we have the ability to let go of that habit. we can tune back in now! breaking old habits is difficult and takes effort.
we each have different methods and practices for tuning in and connecting… for meeting this inherent human need… for being in flow. how do you tune in?