How do we protect ourselves from taking projections personally? How do we cleanse ourselves of other’s projections? How do we discern a projection from a genuine observation of a place in need of growth and attention?
In pondering these questions, I feel myself holding thoughts and words of another inside my heart. I let these imagined forms sit there and I notice how I feel… what I feel. When I turn deeply inward, I notice whether the thought connects to my heart or whether it simply hovers around, never finding solid, inviting ground.
I try it with a variety of different things that people have said to me recently… as a way to notice the various internal responses that I have. Some of these others’ words are flattering, and some are flattening. Again, I notice which ones stick and which ones I do not own.
I think that the key to this process is being open to any perception of another being true to my reality. When I start in an open place, it’s clear when a connection is made, when a projection or observation fits with the reality of who and what I am.
What do I mean by being open? My defenses are relaxed. Attachment to my identity — who I perceive myself to be — is weak. I’m open to seeing a “dark” place in my being, a place where I am not whole, a place where there’s room for me to grow, a place where I may be acting unconsciously. When I’m open, and another person’s words stick to one of those places in me, then I know that their words are an observation that is valuable to me, pointing out truth and areas in need of my awareness and attention.
And when I stay open, open, open… And the words never land — a connection is not made — a deeper part of myself knows that it is a projection. That the other person is consciously or unconsciously projecting a part of themselves onto me. This can be a bright and shining beautiful projection or the more typically noted dark and shadowy, needing attention type.
My current challenge: When my heart, my inner core, recognizes someone else’s words as a projection but my mind and my ego hold onto it, trying to believe that it is “real”, that the words describe “me”. My challenge is washing the words out of my brain, letting them go, trusting and accepting that I don’t have a lesson to learn from them, that I’ve already learned the lesson and can move on, walk away. I have a tendency to scrutinize from every angle seeking out the lessons to make me a wholer person. I need to just accept that sometimes the lessons are not for me — they’re for another.
I can just stay open and listen and Be…
Let us be fully aware of our projections, examining their angles and reflections, desires and demands without being caught in the literal interpretations of the craving self. Let us touch one another at depths of soul unrehearsed and unafraid, each moment of contact nesting only those waves aligned with the authenticity and passion of our deepest individual selves. ~Thomas Arthur
Comments:
Wow! Bravo, I tip my hat to how wonderfully you can swirl and bend me through our human maze. Exhale and empty for only then can you inhale and fill with freshness and silent peace.
wow ashley. reading these words, i feel like we are one and the same. thank God for you.