what happens to your style of communication when you are under stress?
virginia satir outlined five different stances that individuals adopt when they are under stress. (source: Goldenberg & Goldenberg)
placater – acts weak, tentative, self-effacing; always agrees, apologizes, tries to please. body posture is grateful, begging, self-flagellatingblamer – dominates, invariably finds fault with others, and self-righteously accuses. body posture is finger pointing, loud, tyrannical, enraged.
super-reasonable – adopts a rigid stance, remains detached, robot-like, calm, cool, maintaining intellectual control while making certain not to become emotionally involved. body posture is monotone voice, stiff, machine-like, computer-like.
irrelevant – distracts others and seems unable to relate to anything going on, afraid to offend or hurt others by taking a position on an issue. body posture is in constant movement, constant chatter, distracting.
congruent communicator – seems real, genuinely expressive, responsible for sending straight (not double-binding or other confusing) messages in their appropriate context. maintains self-esteem under stress, making certain that his or her inner feelings are matched by clear and direct outer communication and behavior.
do you fit into any of these categories? can you think of other categories? which category might those that you love, those that you work with fit into? how do your habits of communcicating when under stress interact with the communication habits of those around you? just some food for thought!
commments:
depending on what’s underlying the stress, i can and fit in to any of those categories. also depends on the situation – do i feel incompetent, inadequate, overwhelmed, “all-over-the-place”, not heard, or even amongst all that is there a calm center in the storm? definitely..i’ve been all of the above and more.
how ’bout you?
ryan | Email | Homepage | 06.15.04 – 10:09 pm | #
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I second what Ryan has to say and then some since I have the whole female/hormonal thing that adds a whole ‘nother dimension to how/when I react. Today while dealing with irrational angry lady at work who yelled at me for 30 minutes straight I think I tried out all of those communication styles but none worked effectively. So then what do you do? She’s wasn’t worth trying any more beyond that so I just gave up!
cyn | Email | 06.16.04 – 3:33 pm | #
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i think i am a super-reasonable, congruent, irrelevant, placater.
if i lose my cool, i am a super-reasonable, blamer.
it also depends on who i’m interacting with.
how about a super-reasonable that adopts a flexible stance, retains an outward calm while allowing himself to internally feel, and can intuit the other’s emotions, and seeks a compromise or balance, & sends straight messages in their appropriate context, matching inner feelings with clear and direct robotic words. call it partially congruent reasonable communicator.
ats | 06.30.04 – 10:58 am | #